http://www.rifftrax.com/rifftrax/oceans-eleven

Take Ocean’s Thirteen, pare down its cast to a trim Ocean’s Twelve, then take away one more and you’ve got Ocean’s Eleven, the swingingest, hippest, don’t-they-look-like-they’re-having-fun movie since Cannonball Run II! And though it was long ago mathematically proven that Mike is the least hip person who has ever lived or will ever live, he was able to up his swank quotient considerably by enlisting the talents of Las Vegas lounge singer extraordinaire, Guest Riffer Richard Cheese!

Nelson’s Two takes on Ocean’s Eleven and its viva lots of laughs, baby! (Ow, it physically hurt to type that.)

Duration : 0:1:50

http://shop.rifftrax.com/rifftrax/fantastic-four-rise-silver-surfer

The Fantastic Four are back! Or the Fantastic Four is back! Depending upon whether one is referring to the title of the film, the four individuals who are fantastic and number four, or the group of four fantastic people who use that title! The point is, they’re back! And this time, unlike the first, there’s a surfer made out of silver and he rises! It’s fantastic!

And if you’re a fan of repulsive, waxy-faced Australian Prime Minister’s sons as ineffectual villains, then you’re in clover, because this film is packed with them (well, it has one, total). But FF:ROTSS has much more going for it. The fact that we can’t think of a single thing does not in the least bit undermine our claim that it has a lot more going for it, because it does. Have a LOT more going for it. SO BUY OR RENT IT TODAY! IT’S FANTASTIC TIMES FOUR (rising of silver surfer included with every purchase).*

*You might want to buy the RiffTrax that Mike, Kevin and Bill made to accompany the film because to watch it sans RiffTrax is to commit an act of monstrous, suicidal recklessness.

Duration : 0:1:49

NOW AVAILABLE at

http://www.rifftrax.com/rifftrax/star-wars-episode-vi-return-jedi?destination=cart

Return of the Jedi. For sixteen years, it was widely regarded as the worst chapter in the Star Wars saga. We now look back upon this period of time, appalled and embarrassed at how naive we were. For while Return of the Jedi may be slow to get started, while it may delay the final confrontation between Luke and Vader in favor of an endless Ewok/Stormtrooper battle, while it may feature C3PO as its main character for the first twenty minutes and while it may have killed off Salacious Crumb instead of making him the focus of the entire movie, consider this: nobody utters the line “Yippee”.

Return of the Jedi begins where The Empire Strikes Back left off: with George Lucas deciding which scenes to ruin by inserting a musical number by a hideous creature named Sy Snootles, who sounds like Disembaudio did before he took singing lessons. The dance scene is vital to the plot: how were we, the audience members supposed to know whether or not Jedi rocked, unless there was a song included in the movie named “Jedi Rocks”? Yes, the song is sung in a foreign tongue and the only way you’d know it was called “Jedi Rocks” was if you bought the soundtrack, but ignoring those irrelevant points, we can finally conclude after watching six episodes of Star Wars, a task that would take up well over half of one day of your life, that Jedi do in fact, Rock.

Fans of puppets, Hutts and metal bikinis: your ship has come in. Cancel your weekend trip to the Great Pit of Carkoon, boil up a big bowl of Tatooine paddy frogs and call up your buddy Nien Numb to come sit next to you even though you don’t speak the same language: we’re finally riffing Return of the Jedi.

As this is the final chapter in the Star Wars saga for RiffTrax to tackle, Mike, Kevin and Bill would like to take the time to reminisce about their favorite moments in the series. Here they are in order: The time Jar Jar became a senator and the time Stinky the Hutt was kidnapped. Thank you and good night.

Please note: As with Star Wars and The Empire Strikes Back, we riffed the Special Edition of the movie. If you own Return of the Jedi on DVD, you already have the right version.

Duration : 0:1:30

Harry Potter is back with the second installment in the franchise that is worth more than the Tolkien, Roddenberry and Herge estates combined! Part Two lays the groundwork for the stunning revelation that shook the series: that the guy who plays Ron absolutely, 100% cannot act. I mean, that performance? What the was that? Every scene he’s in looks like someone from Are You Being Served forced at gunpoint to mug at a level that would make the cast of Police Academy blush. If they were to spin Ronald McDonald’s friend Grimace off into a series titled The Grimace Hour it would have less grimacing per hour than Ron in Harry Potter and The Chamber of Secrets (approximate number of hours in movie: five.)

Watch Ron pull one face after another as he teams up with Harry, Hermione, Hagrid, and Hagar the Horrible to outwit an army of spiders, battle a giant lizard, and encounter an emo-chick who lives in a toilet. And what would a Harry Potter movie be without Quidditch? Answer: Better.

Mike, Kevin, Bill and their respective self-mutilating house elves are here to riff until the Secret of the titular Chamber is revealed!

http://www.rifftrax.com/rifftrax/harry-potter-and-chamber-secrets

Duration : 0:1:36

http://shop.rifftrax.com/rifftrax/batman-and-robin

Crossroads. Battlefield Earth. A Visit to Santa. As if the RiffTrax audience hasn’t suffered enough, we put to them the extraordinarily challenge of writing us a script for what is universally considered to be the source of all evil and suffering in the world, Batman & Robin. Incredibly, they accepted. (We intentionally mumbled the words “Batman & Robin” every time we brought it up and it seems to have worked.)

Yes, Chris Hanel and James Whistler of Riff Raff Theater bravely spearheaded this COMPLETELY FAN WRITTEN RIFFTRAX! Mike, Kevin and Bill merely act out the gags, jokes, Arnold impressions, and most of all, the bitter contempt, all written by you, the fans. (Assuming you are both a fan and a participant. If not please amend and/or disregard.)

Hear the crew kick some serious ice in this, the first ever fan-written Rifftrax!

Duration : 0:1:55

http://www.rifftrax.com/rifftrax/happening

The Happening is a departure for director M. Night Shyamalan: he abandons his trademark conceit of the twist ending to tell a straight-forward tale of horror. It’s like going to a Gallagher show where he refuses to smash watermelons with a giant mallet. The only difference is that Gallagher’s comedy is grim and depressing and The Happening is hilarious.

Yes, the plants of the Northeastern United States are fed up with how we’ve been treating them and decide to simultaneously release a toxin that causes humanity to commit suicide in various comical ways. Evidently this is something that is entirely scientifically valid, because a hot-dog obsessed lunatic says so at one point in time during the movie. Mark Wahlberg baffles as a Lemon Drink-eyeing science teacher and the part of Zooey Deschanel is ably played by a Tarsier. Mike, Kevin and Bill lend intentionally funny riffs to this masterpiece of unintentional comedy. (Unless there’s some sort of real-life Happening, in which case they pre-emptively announce their allegiance to the plants.)

Duration : 0:2:46

For most of us, the experience of waking up in a strange motel room, alone and disoriented, means that you were the victim of Chinese Organ Thieves. Inconvenient, sure, but kidneys are replaceable.* And how often does it really happen?** For Leonard Shelby, however, this scenario was just another part of his daily routine.

You see, Leonard suffers from a rare form of amnesia, usually only found in protagonists in works of fiction. Unable to form any new memories, Leonard stumbles around Southern California, vowing after every meal that he will never eat a McDonald’s Filet-O-Fish again. To be fair, he does have a slightly more pressing agenda than eating pre-formed patties of vague seafood: the attack that rendered him an amnesiac also resulted in the death of his wife. Through an intricate system of tattoos and notes to himself, he hopes to one day track down the killer and after making him beg for mercy, ask them who they are, why he has this gun and if they know directions to the nearest McDonalds.

Also, at one point in time during the movie, a peripheral character muses that Leonard’s condition must be like living your life backwards. Despite this being a barely coherent thought muttered by a bearded motel attendant, it’s evidently license enough to tell you the entire story in reverse, making this Mike, Kevin and Bill’s first ever xarTffiR!

http://www.rifftrax.com/rifftrax/memento

*Just talk to the delivery guy from the Chinese food place down the street
**Every time you order from that Chinese food place

Duration : 0:1:59

http://shop.rifftrax.com/rifftrax/star-wars-holiday-special

Have a Happy Life Day! And nothing kicks off a memorable Life Day quite so much as watching the legendary Star Wars Holiday Special receive a fully deserved Rifftrax treatment! Yes, all your favorite Wookies are here: there’s Chewbacca, Malla, Itchy, Lumpy and Art Carney. Tony Award Winner and Oscar nominated Diahann Carroll as a singing holographic prostitute who services Grandpa Itchy. And Bea Arthur stretches her talent by playing a woman. Not only that, there are commercials from 1978 that will come close to convincing you that “1978″ is fairly synonymous with “Hell”.

“But, Rifftrax,” you say, “Rifftrax, please – The Star Wars Holiday Special is not commercially available. How am I supposed to watch this?!” Well, we assume you taped it off the TV back in 1978 using your 130 pound top loading Panasonic NV-9300 U-Matic VCR, just like we did. If not, what were you thinking? Stop right now and GO Out and Get Looking for onE. Because we taped ours off of the television set, and our NV-9300 doesn’t have an “edit” function printed on one of its dozens of plastic piano key-style switches, we just left the commercials in there. (We’re sure the International Ladies Garment Workers Union won’t mind.) So ours is two hours long and has a descriptive scroll on the front end, just like the one you can Get frOm yOur friend Greg, in LakE VIDEO, Illinois. (Don’t look it up, they don’t like to draw attention to themselves in Lake Video.)

Bill, Mike, and Kevin make this the itchiest, lumpiest Life Day of them all!

Duration : 0:1:28

In the tradition of I, Robot comes I, Ronman, the story of a shy college student who is bitten by a radioactive guy named Ron. Our hero’s DNA is transformed, his body taking on the attributes of Ron until – hang on. Apparently we got that wrong and there’s nothing remotely that cool going on here. It’s Iron Man and from what we’re told it’s just a guy in a metal suit. Kind of looks like a Transformer. Fights another guy who looks like a Transformer. And you get to see Gwyneth Paltrow’s back. And it’s directed by the guy who did Zathura.

Not only that, it made a gajillion dollars, no doubt because people got confused and thought they were seeing I, Ronman.

But Mike, Kevin and Bill put aside their collective disappointment over it not being I, Ronman and give it the most iron fortified RiffTrax yet!

Duration : 0:3:15

Get the whole thing at:

http://www.rifftrax.com/rifftrax/pirates-caribbean-curse-black-pearl

The most adorable pirates you’ve ever seen take to the high seas to do battle with an army of walking skeletons to see who is thinner. With a team consisting of Keira Knightley, Johnny Depp and Orlando Bloom they can’t possibly lose! Geoffrey Rush gives it his all — that is he does his best impression of the pirate mascot standing outside the Long John Silver’s at a strip mall in Oakbrook, Illinois, and respected actor Jonathan Pryce as the girlish British governor risks being stripped of the descriptive “respected”.

Mike, Kevin and Bill strap on the cutlasses and swing away!

Duration : 0:2:25